Tag Archive for love

Rates of STIs Extremely High in Senior Living Centers


Rates of STIs Extremely High in Senior Living Centers


For those born between 1930 and 1960, any topics sexually related or covering intimacy are all but shunned. Folks from that time period were taught that they were to never speak about such topics, events, or actions, and that for the most part, they were only supposed to do “that” to procreate, or with their spouse. Because of this type of information, and thought process of the 50’s, many people are not aware of the dangers of sexually transmitted infections, diseases, or the things that one can pass to another even by sexual touch. Safe sex was not something that was taught, or discussed, thusly making all forms of protection available today essentially foreign to them.

Why is this a problem in senior living communities? Due to the lack of education and the greater lack of discussion, elderly people are coming together in these facilities to find some pleasure. I bet your mouth just fell open! It’s true. While they are not always engaged in the actual act of sexual intercourse, they are fingering, touching, groping, and providing oral stimulation to their community mates. This is a perfectly normal human need: to feel pleasure and intimacy. The statistics in our area (Fort Wayne, IN) are pretty shocking, as many would not think that these things are happening.


The good news? Great news, actually. Boudoir Noir’s School of Loving Arts is preparing to debut a new series of classes to bring a certain sexual education into these senior living communities that obviously need it more than ever. These classes will discuss the taboo subjects of sex, intimacy, and the safety measures that need to be taken, even for these minor situations the seniors may be finding themselves in.

Why would we do these classes? In our classroom inside of our store, we have seen a rush of seniors coming to attend. In some cases, the nursing home transport van did the drop off, and pick up. This spoke volumes to us, and showed the need for such a program.

If you’re a senior living in a community that is dealing with these issues, maybe you should reach out for more information for your facility. Sometimes, posting informational posters or putting information in the newsletter is all it takes. In other cases, we find that directly addressing these diseases and issues can greatly reduce the percentage of transmission within the walls of the community.

Feel free to message our page for more details, or look for the School of Loving Arts on Facebook.

Seniors & STDs: April is Sexually Transmitted Disease Awareness Month


Seniors & STDs: April is Sexually Transmitted Disease Awareness Month


In this day and age, you’d think that nursing homes main focus would be preventing pneumonia and the flu from spreading rampantly throughout the facility. You’d think that retirement community’s main issues would be which band to have play at the summer festival. Maybe you’d consider that ID theft may be the focus of the weekly meeting put on by the local chamber of commerce for your elderly relatives in nursing facilities. But what if I told you that you were wrong, and now the latest meeting for Grandma and Grandpa are on how to prevent STIs and STDs from spreading down their hall in the facility? It’s true, and it’s happening at an alarming rate.

The troubling facts about chlamydia and gonorrhea is that for those over 50, and into their 60s and 70s, the numbers are even higher than the national averages. WebMD states that the numbers, while steadily growing, are also very misleading, as they are ONLY representing the people who have sought treatment and help for their STIs. This is such a cause for concern that Medicare has also said that they will begin covering all sexually transmitted disease testing for the elderly.

In a recent Reuter’s survey, adults over the age of 50 were tested to determine percentage of time a condom was used, or introduced, in a situation that deemed one necessary. The survey showed emphatically, that your children know more than the elderly when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases, and safety. Reuters said their survey showed that 50-year-olds are six times less likely to use a condom than men in their 20s.

This information may be shocking to you, but this is something I deal with working at the School of Loving Arts all the time. Facts are facts, and older people are not comfortable discussing anything intimate openly. This includes safety. Often times, those entering retirement homes or nursing homes do not even think of any sexual aspects to being there. Humans are humans, however, and their need to find pleasure always seems to win out. It may be rough for you to make sure that your elderly and senior relatives are safe in the sexual department, but it really is not as hard as it seems.


Here are a few things that you can do to ensure that your loved ones and senior friends are safe in their sexual ventures.

*Discuss the importance and simplicity of condoms, and give them freely.

*Discuss sexually transmitted diseases: chlamydia, gonorrhea, AIDS/HIV, herpes, and others

*Encourage the complex or facility to offer human sexuality classes or groups on sexual education

*Encourage your loved one or senior friends to be open and communicate in their personal relationships.

The important thing to remember about STIs is that they are treatable when caught early. If you, or someone you know, are having symptoms of any sexually transmitted infection, please seek out your doctor immediately.


Resources Used:


CDC STD Statistics

Feelings, Time & Life’s Stupid Curveballs.

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Feelings, Time & Life’s Stupid Curveballs.


So far this year, we’ve lost three friends to cancer, all different types. We’ve met more people with life altering autoimmune diseases, and developed more of our own. Each of these people we’ve lost, and met, have had some great push in either our lives, or our family member’s lives. Now, we find ourselves wandering through years of memories, seeking any kind of comfort we can knowing that now at least they’re at rest, and hopefully at peace.  These events have really made us stop and think about how we’re all tied to the strongest emotions of love and grief, all being tied to the bigger ideas of life and time. Sometimes “healthy” people have different opinions on these topics as that of a “sick” person. In our experience, this has been true.

Below you’ll find thoughts on love, grief, time, and life, including the perspective on things coming from someone whose life will be cut short due to incurable illness of any kind. You’ll find our perspective in italic’s, as it seemed fitting because you may find it a bit sideways, sometimes. It might be hard to understand to some why losing friends and loved ones hit us more deeply than you think it should, but I can tell you that when this happens, it only reminds us of our ticking time clock, and marked time left with you. It makes us face the reality that sometimes we try to ignore.




It’s the tears you cry, and the heavy empty feeling inside of your gut. It’s the wonder of what could have been, and the memories that seem like they’re only hours old. It’s the longing you feel to talk to them just one more time, and the times you forget they’re gone, and dial their number. It’s the rush of emotion that comes out so fast, you have to cover your mouth to not let the sudden sobs escape your lips….because deep down you know it’s unavoidable. It’s the grown up feelings dawning on you, that life is the most beautiful, unpredictable, and sometimes unfair disaster you’ve ever seen. And one that you have to live through, every day. It’s knowing that our time is truly marked, and wondering what you can do to make your time worthwhile. ~ It’s what we feel when we wake up knowing we can’t get out of bed. It’s the sadness we feel in knowing we can’t keep our plans with you, and the darkness we feel being alone again. It’s the feeling deep inside, knowing that our illness has shifted, and we’ll have to tell you that. It’s the deep feeling of our fate, and knowing what we’re fated to medically.



It’s the most painful, wonderful, warming, damning feeling of them all, for us all. Without love, would we have grief? As humans, we go through life seeking the company of others in friends, family, and lovers. We grow dependent on their support, and loose ourselves in memories of our good times past. Love makes us bend over backward to help “our” people, when they’re in need. Love hurts, and breaks spirits and hearts.thCATXFBU6 The more time we spend with our nearest and dearest, the more than you’ll feel the pull and connection. There’s no denying that you’d do anything for the ones you love. It’s human nature. ~ Love is what we become dependent on when we’re down. The warmth you can bring to me by simply being around me, and supporting me, does more than you’ll ever understand. We understand that loving us is sometimes difficult, as we can be more than a challenge daily. We hope that we show you, tell you, and make you feel how much we love you, too.



It’s the second hand on the clock, running around as if it’s in a sprint to the end. Hours disappear, even if you’re just laying around, watching the world fly by. Your infants grow to teenagers before you can blink, and middle age sneaks in on you regardless of what you do to try and stop it. When you’re young, you want to be older to “experience life.”  When you’re old, you wish for more time to live, and love. You’ll surely find a “rut” at some point in your aging life. Not necessarily a bad rut, but a groove you get too comfortable with. You may just go on with the same routine for fifteen years, working away, and living life. One day you’ll wake up from this “status quo” coma, and realize you’ve just wasted away the years doing something, or being with someone, you don’t really like. It’s then you’ll find yourself longing to take back the years, and desiring a “re-do”. I do hope you don’t experience regret for your bad decisions on wasting your time…. thCAFYWTURBecause regret doesn’t help anything, and only makes your grief worse. ~ Time to us to a literal ticking clock. As long as we stay as busy as we can, and keep our minds active, the clicking noise is muted. Once our brains settled, and focus on our illness, our disability, the ticking resumes, and we begin to wonder about the end. Dwelling on such an event is not a pleasant thing, and normally leads to our grief levels rising. We can’t help it though, as time has become the biggest part of our lives. It’s the one thing we can no longer guarantee, or promise to anyone, including ourselves. We have a new appreciation for the little things, and seek to spend as much time with you as you’d allow. Time hurts, especially when we can hear the clicking of the second hand. Our flares of illness make the clicking louder than ever, and we can become lost easily. It’s these times we turn to you, in hope that your love can pull us back from the darkness, and back to the light of life.

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It’s every single memory from the time you can remember, until the time that you forget. It’s the experiences that make us who we are. It’s every situation you’ve ever gone through, and how you’ve handled the outcome, and learning experience. Life is the personal growth you seek in finding yourself, and what you want out of life. Life is not only what you can do for others, but what you willingly choose to do for no other benefit but theirs. Life is an experience with no sure expiration, but a definite end. Life is finding the happiness you need to smile every day, be supportive, and productive member of society. ~ Life is what we fight with, daily. Our daily lives are riddled with both defeat, and triumph. We hope there are more triumphs, but learn not to stop for anything. We know and understand better that our decisions today, will greatly affect our tomorrows. We use every ounce of our energy getting through each day, attempting to live as normally as possible. Nights are terrible, as we rarely have energy left for anything. The curveballs really hurt our progress, but we have no choice to face them head on.


Sometimes in life, we don’t always get to choose the outcomes, obstacles, or problems we face. Sometimes, we’re just going along, living life to the fullest, and we’re suddenly knocked back down by catastrophe, or illness. Sometimes we learn that our bodies aren’t well, and are fighting to function to survive. It’s these times like these that time, love, life, and grief surface. It’s these times more than ever, when faced with our own mortality, everything sort of stops. Time freezes, and you wonder how much longer you can do it. You have to remind yourself, sometimes by the hour, that the few good days you’ll have, are far more important than the bad. Life stops, and refocused around appointments, doctors, medicines, and day to day living. You do everything you can to connect with your spouse, your children, friends, and family. Parts of you die knowing that some relationships may be beyond repair, and you know there’s no fix. Love becomes a heavy weight puling and pushing us around, but is needed more than ever. The weight pulls on us, knowing that we’re carrying people with us on our journey back to health, or at least a plateau of living. We’re weighted in knowing that we’ll be leaving you sooner than later, and that fact is what makes things harder to face. Our love for you is un-measurable, unending, un-defying, and more passionate than ever… but sometimes we’re lost in the cloud of grief. Grief for what was, and grief for the normalcy that we may never see again.

There is such a fine line that connects everything together, that it’s impossible to plan ahead to how the events of last year will truly affect today, but I can assure you…. Every move you make matters. Every moment spent. Every breath taken. Every time they laugh, cry, giggle, or learn something new. Rise to each defeat, and unexpected challenge. It’s ensuring that you don’t infringe on someone else’s human rights, because truly—do you have extra time to spend on them? Take care of yourself, and your people. Love those who need it, and try to be understanding. Have patience when it’s warranted, and stop hiding behind fake personalities and material things. Be yourself. Love yourself. Do unto others as you want done to you. Most of all, just live and don’t ever stop.

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